Family SATC-style

I rely on my parents, a lot.  Even though they don’t live nearby, my mother is often the first person I go to when things are going wrong.  I have close friends, but sometimes there are things I can only tell my mother.  When things aren’t going well and when I feel like a failure.  I know my parents will love me – no matter what.  (After all, that is their job.)

 

I am sure I rely on them too much, though I suspect this would be different if I had a partner.  I suspect those with lovers or husbands or partners arrive home and whinge to them about their day; seek a hug when they are stressed or fraught with despair; or share their tears when they don’t get a job they expected to.    

 

I have some very close friends who know almost everything about my life, but sometimes I don’t go to them.  They are mostly there for me, but I am not their priority and sometimes it is too hard to admit failure to those who don’t HAVE to love you. 

 

I have a number of single and married friends in their 30s, 40s and 50s.  Some have kids, some don’t.  For most of these friends, their families continue to play a major part in their lives.  Parents and siblings feature often in our discussions - in both positive and negative ways. 

 

Like me, for some of my closest friends, their parents (mostly mothers and grandmother in one instance) remain confidants, offering constant and unwavering support and comfort.

 

As well as the emotional support family provides, there is also the practical assistance that comes from being a member of a family.  You babysit, even when it is inconvenient and you help out when someone becomes sick. You attend family get-togethers; from celebrations to annoying family requirements.  You make an effort even when you don’t want to.  After all, when everything else goes to hell in a handbasket, family is all we might have left. 

 

So, this is what I don’t get.  They don’t really appear in SATC.  Relatives that is.  In my recent spate of viewing random episodes on Pay Television, I watched Charlotte marry Trey.  She faltered just before walking down the aisle and grabbed Carrie to seek reassurance.  Concerns allayed, Carrie disappeared and an older man emerged from the wings and took Charlotte’s arm to walk to her down the aisle.  I can only assume this man was her father, or step-father, or equivalent.  But there he was – nameless and almost faceless.  Was there a mother I wondered? While planning the perfect wedding, I don’t recall Charlotte ever mentioning a father or mother. 

 

I know the show focused on the friendships, but it also focused on the girls’ lives – and I feel like there was a big chunk missing.  In some ways the show was a ‘manual’ for living (albeit in a more luxurious, fun-filled, exciting and extreme world).  So, while we learned lessons about men, relationships and friendships we were left in idle ignorance when it comes to dealing with our own families.

 

We meet Trey’s interfering mother and Steve’s annoying mother.  I even have a vague recollection of someone’s mother (Miranda perhaps) dying during the series.  But even from that episode, what I remember most is the support she gets from the girls, rather than the loss of a mother.   

 

So, where are they the rest of the time?   I mean, did Carrie even have parents?  I don’t recall them offering support when she had been dumped by “Big” (again and again), or Aidan.  Or any consideration of aging parents in her decision to move to Paris?   What about the man who walked Charlotte down the aisle?  Where was he during her stressful efforts to conceive a child and through her divorce? 

 

So, I am intrigued.  Where were their families?  Carrie’s, Charlotte’s, Miranda’s or Samantha’s?  We had the horror mother-in-laws, so what about the small-town mothers and fathers or siblings, not fitting into the girls’ NYC lives?  A few embarrassing relatives wouldn’t have gone astray - but they are largely absent.  Why I wonder?  Is family not sexy enough for the city? 

 

Did the four girls really emerge from their childhoods unscathed?  What about some residual baggage?  Sibling rivalries?  Or even some backstories to fill in some of the blanks?  After all, where did Samantha’s aversion to ‘love’ come from; and why was Charlotte such so desperate for Park Avenue and the perfect family?  

 

Perhaps a prequel is called for?!

SATC - The early years

There are a number of good things about this house-sitting gig.  Not just being away from the building site-that-is-my-home; the larder full of cooking stuff (like choc bits, which I will have to replace before I leave); the excuse that I am out of my routine and can’t exercise; but also having access to Pay TV. 

 

My brother doesn’t have the movies’ or sports’ channels.  The focus here is predominantly on all-things-Disney, for my niece (who has a bit of a thing for Avatar, Hannah Montana and some show about two boys who live in a hotel with their mother).  So I am spending most of my waking (and tv-watching) hours in front of ARENA and reveling in repeats of Sex and the City, which appears to be on constantly and usually in no logical order.  The other evening, for example, there were two episodes in a row.  The first one was the actual pilot episode (circa 1998).  The next was from Season Four.

 

Why I am glued to them I have no idea.  I actually have all of the DVDs at my place.  All six Seasons.  I could go and pick them up.  Or wait until I get home and watch them.  But instead, I am strangely transfixed to the randomness with which they appear on ARENA.  I have to admit, I had forgotten how many men Carrie and the girls went through over the years.  Samantha aside, the other three constantly dated with a never-ending stream of men through their lives. 

 

Is this why we liked it I wonder?  Not just for the clothes and fashions – and to see what strange combination Carrie would next don (and even more amazingly, pull off).  Or did we just envy their seemingly glamourous lives and the fact that they seemed to be constantly in demand by the men of New York. 

 

Critics railed at the realism of the show and the fact that – in the real world – similar women would be hard pressed to afford their apartments, let alone the lifestyle they portrayed; their clothes, their Jimmy Choos and constant stream of visits to the ‘happening’ restaurants and bars of NYC. 

 

But did we care?  Hell no!  Who cares if, in the real world, one pair of Manolo Blahnik’s would set Carrie back a year’s salary.  Instead we all envied their fabulous lives.  We all wanted to be them.  And, we’ve all done the Facebook quiz, wondering which of the four girls we really are.  I suspect we probably all wanted to be Carrie (around whom the SATC world revolves) and I think the Facebook doyenne believed me to be so, but I always felt more like Charlotte with a bit of Miranda thrown in.   Sweet but cynical. 

 

So, having been exposed to a veritable kaleidoscope of episodes in the past week, not only am I surprised at how little the women changed over the six seasons (yay for botox!), I am reminded of a few favourite moments (and seasons) and amazed at the things I had forgotten.

 

Very importantly, I had forgotten that in the first episodes (and perhaps a few to follow – I will have to check later) Carrie speaks to the camera and the show featured mock interviews, with little captions.  So, it started as a faux-documentary.  Watching it now, I cringe.  I resolve to watch the first season to see when this changes - when the producers realized they needed to go with engaging storylines, supported by narration, rather than a thought piece with a one-dimensional supporting cast.

 

I had also forgotten that ‘Big’ appears in the first episode. 

 

I have also seen the final two episodes in the last few days.  I remember – like hordes of others – being disappointed at the final episode.  Unhappy that, for a show about how it is okay to be single and alone, the four girls all ended up partnered off. 

 

I recall that when it first came out in 1998, the show was a celebration of independence and of strong single women.  So, while I sympathise with the producers’ desire for a happily-ever-after ending, it fell like a sell-out.  Carrie’s move to Paris was very much about her fear of being the ‘last-one-standing’ and being alone, rather than following her heart, or even her head.  Bringing in ‘Big’ at the last minute, seemed too contrived, with the producers obviously in a rush to wrap six-years up neatly, tie the bow and present it expectantly to adoring fans.

 

This aside, when I think of the show, I think of it being about relationships and most importantly, about friendships.  The scene I most remember from the movie, for example, is Charlotte’s anger (in the street) at ‘Big’ after he failed to show at the wedding ceremony.  Her distress for her friend felt real and devastated me more than Carrie being left at the altar.  It made me wonder about selfless relationships where true love, loyalty and devotion are fundamental. 

 

The episode I watched (The Agony and the Ex-tacy) after the pilot was about the girls attending an engagement party for a guy they had knew (and several slept with). 

 

The episode was about finding your soulmate.  I hadn’t remembered that the show had really articulated the level of desperation evidenced in that episode.  Miranda faking happiness at her singleness and Carrie’s despair (after everyone missing her birthday celebration) at perhaps never finding her soulmate. It ended with the girls deciding they were each others’ soulmates and the guys that came along were just a bonus.  A lovely sentiment – but in my self-styled Miranda-cynicism I wonder if they were saying the same thing several years later when they were all paired off. 

 

I have another week of house-sitting so who knows what morsels are before me.  Either way, it has given me a taste of a favourite-but-forgotten treat.  My appetite whetted, I will have to pull out the DVDs when I get home.

 

Finally, another perplexing question.  Whatever happened to Skipper?

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0159206/